Does God Expect Singles to Remain Virgins?

By: Scott Stein
Feb 18, 2025

Restricting sex to marriage is seen by our world as an unkind and unrealistic expectation for unmarried people. Even many Christians see remaining celibate as unfairly sentencing single people to a life of unhappiness.

Answering this question requires serious thought for the church — not only in applying sound biblical truth, but in thinking through how to provide single people in the church with the necessary love and support they need to bear what can often be a difficult burden. Pat answers simply won’t do.

Our goal is to answer the immediate question according to the truth that God has revealed. Doing so will require answering two important questions:

Does the Bible really make such a restriction on sex?
What instructions (if any) does the Bible give to single people about sex?

1. Does the Bible restrict all sexual activity to marriage?

The apostle Paul explicitly says that our bodies are “not meant for sexual immorality, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body” (1 Corinthians 6:13b).

God’s expectation and desire for his children to remain sexually pure is clear. However, the question many single Christians have is, “What is sexual purity?”

The church has traditionally taught that sexual purity means no sex outside of marriage. But is this what the Bible actually teaches?

The word most often translated “sexual immorality” is the Greek word pornia. The Bible uses it to convey a wide range of meanings. Some examples are “fornication”, “prostitution”, “unchastity”, “sexual impurity”, “adultery”, and “idolatry”. As with most words, its specific meaning depends upon the context in which it’s used.

This has led some to conclude that what Bible writers meant by sexual immorality was sexual acts associated with cult worship and temple prostitution. Not the loving expression of consensual sex between two people in a committed relationship.

Unfortunately, such conclusions ignore the clear and positive biblical teaching about what God created sex for. God created sex to be the means for establishing the one-flesh union of marriage between a husband and wife. As a result, the bond that sex creates is intended to secure a marriage union that is exclusive and lifelong.

Therefore, using sex for any other purpose is a misuse. To quote Lewis Smede,

“And now we can see clearly why Paul thought sexual intercourse by unmarried people was wrong. It is wrong because it violates the inner reality of the act; it is wrong because unmarried people thereby engage in a life-uniting act without a life-uniting intent. Whenever two people copulate without a commitment to life-union, they commit fornication.”¹

No matter how some may attempt to justify it, sex was created by God to secure, protect and nurture marital love.

Using it for anything less is disobeying God’s will for your life. It’s a sin that can’t produce the true-life satisfaction you desire.

This may be difficult to accept, especially as you’re surrounded each day by our culture’s unbridled and highly individualized views of “whatever-makes-you-happy” sexuality.

But knowing God’s greater purpose behind sex will help you catch God’s vision for sex in your life and equip you to stand firm amid culture’s pressures.

2. What instructions does the Bible give about singleness?

Single Christians might be surprised to know that the Bible actually presents a very positive picture of singleness.

This isn’t meant to minimize the very real struggle that exists for those who long to be happily married, but for whom God has not yet provided a spouse.

It is, however, meant to counteract the cultural stereotypes, which depict singleness and celibacy as a sentence to an unhappy or incomplete life. To this the Bible clearly speaks with encouragement and hope.

Here are two positive biblical messages that single Christians need to be reminded of:

Sex is not the most important thing in life.

Far from proving its necessity for full life, our culture’s ever-increasing obsession with sexual freedom illustrates sex’s inability to satisfy.

That’s because increased sexual freedom fails to produce the increased life satisfaction thought to accompany it. The almost epidemic levels of sexual addictions and abuses are evidence that unrestricted sexual liberty ultimately leads to slavery, not freedom.

In contrast, while recognizing the good gift that sex is for healthy and happy marriages, the Bible nowhere includes marriage and sex as a necessity for a full and satisfying life.

If it did, that wouldn’t speak well for the most fully alive and satisfied person who ever lived, namely Jesus.

Jesus’ life shows us that true and full living comes, not from managing to satisfy all of our own desires, but by living to accomplish the will of our heavenly Father. As Jesus said, “my food is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work.” (John 4:34)

The Bible describes singleness as a “gift”.

Let’s be clear. The Bible doesn’t try to gloss over the very real struggles that single Christians face.

Loneliness, wrestling with sexual desires, or longing to be married are very real burdens. Let’s not make the mistake of mis-identifying these as the gifts of singleness.

Because these struggles are real, churches ought to be deliberate to ensure ministry is done that addresses these very real needs. The command “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfil the law of Christ” (Galatians 6:2) applies here.

On the other hand, single Christians need to avoid the error of thinking that, in remaining chaste and unmarried, they have somehow been robbed of the opportunity for a full and satisfying life.

Philippians chapter 3 serves as a great source of instruction and encouragement in this regard. Paul reminds us that Jesus is all that we need for true contentment and satisfaction in life.

Looking back upon his own life and all of the missed opportunities for career, influence, status, security, and even marriage, he could honestly say:

I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ.

Philippians 3:8

Because Jesus is our great eternal reward, Paul helps to re-orient our thinking about singleness (see 1 Corinthians 7). Despite the challenges, singleness does provide opportunity for more focused devotion to Jesus not available to those who are married.

As wonderful a gift as marriage is, it greatly divides a person’s time, energy, and resources. The needs of a spouse, and most certainly children, can be taxing and often divert attention away from devotion to Jesus.

Singleness, on the other hand, allows someone to offer a greater portion of their living energy, both in body and spirit, to their relationship with Jesus and kingdom service.

But we must be careful not to try weighing married and single life against each other. One is not better than another. Rather, as Christians we must continually fix our eyes on the eternal goal of resurrection life with Christ.

We don’t store up treasures for ourselves in this world (Matthew 6:19) of any kind.

Both married and single life, when lived out through faith in Jesus Christ, should be seen as good gifts from God. Gifts that, properly used, will result in joyful and satisfying life in Christ, to the glory of God.

Conclusion on if God expects singles to remain celibate

The near obsession that our culture has with sex stands in such stark contrast to traditional Christian expectations. The idea that a single person should remain celibate is seen as impossible and ridiculous.

As Christians, however, we must realize that the reason is not due to mere cultural differences. Rather, it’s based on a worldview that excludes God the Creator, and places all of life’s purpose, meaning, and reward within the bounds of this life only.

Christians, on the other hand, must always live with the perspective of eternity in mind. We don’t live for this life, but for the life to come. We don’t store up our treasures here, but in heaven. There is no lasting satisfaction in this world, only in Christ.

And so, while the world around us expends all of its energy to preserve and maximize life in this world, as Christians we continually remember what’s true —that our bodily living is meant to be a “living sacrifice” and that our eternal reward is yet to come.